Attention: There's a Carousel in Leicester Square

Oh my freaking buggering stars!
Have I been on the planet Mars?
They've erected a massive carousel
in Leicester Square so what the hell?
Are you down to pick a winning horse
cause I'm ready as ready of course
with a bottle of Cristal whenever you want
to go with me on an adventurous haunt
so we can ride the rides in style with a glass,
a smidge for the sake of going with class.

The Weather Mane Spins Faster and Faster

Come with me and you will find
a piece of a glorious, fabulous mind
and all the historic stats that you can mine
posted online with a bottle of shine
in a bag full of milestones I'm ready to skip
like the ping pong ball I want to rip
past your head which elicits a giggle
the moment you savour the hula hoop wiggle
over the neck and then down the spine
while holding a fine vintage glass of wine
which you will successfully master
with the weather mane spinning faster and faster.

29 Candles on the Birthday Cake

On the seventeenth day at the seventeenth hour
I'll put on the kettle and begin to scour
my wardrobe full of nothing to wear
but turbans, tiaras and clip-on hair
which will prove quite useful come this Halloween
when we're posing for the magazine
I've longed to be in all my life
with Jason, Freddy and a butcher knife
balancing a slice of birthday cake
for me to nibble with a yellow snake
draped round back from arm to arm
with an exotic dazzling Indian charm
dangling right in between my eyes
as the birthday song begins to rise
from the glossiest gothic berry lips
framed by velvet hair on skeleton hips
with silver tinkling dancing feet
presenting a fiery birthday treat.