La Rinascente

Please don't ever join the legions
of people from across the regions
who season the air with question marks
and finger quotes with snide remarks
my sensibilites would deny
me taking this martini dry
and splashing it across your tie
so I can laugh and tell my friends about it.
It would be hilarious.

Tube Works

The humble lonely calling spread
that followed me into my bed
at night it sat and watched me sleep
like a wiry peeping creep
including without limitation
horrifying information
about the pending tube congestion
I would have braved without suggestion
otherwise.

A Lovely World

Welcome to a lovely world
where my hair is always curled
the way I want it to be styled
like in my pictures as a child
which didn't last long, I must admit from the computer where I sit.

London Bridge

I walked across the London Bridge
and faced a troll under the ridge
right by where the mayor works
and faces off with city jerks
who seem more pauper than the regal
manner of those preps in legal.

Giving compliments to strangers

On the way to work
I often lurk
at a streetcorner shadow in the rain.

As my victim approaches
the feeling encroaches
and spreads across my face once again.

I like what I see
and know it could be
a glimpse of my new fashion rival.

So I dart from position
and make it a mission
to compliment a pretty thing on arrival.

The flash of horror-
when I ask from which store-
I might find such a clever piece of cuteness...

Is a humourous twist
on the chance that I missed
to compliment a complete stranger's astuteness.

Special K Red Berries

Could it really possibly be
that they invented a cereal just for me?
A pretty girl is on the box
I must admit she's quite a fox.
And If I eat this twice a day
supposedly I can be this way
and work a dress, but not just that-
I'll drop about fifty pounds of fat
and find a man...it won't stop there
it will even help me grow my hair!

I can see her walking down the street
strutting to an awesome beat.
Just thankful that her Special K
has put her in those jeans today.
Who does that woman think she is
to outlaw flab and banish frizz?
Oh here she comes, she thinks she's fly
I'm going to glare when she comes by
for as far as my angry eye can see-
I take it back, it's only me!

Dinner with Important Clients

Late last night I hit a snare
when on my plate I found a hair
that clearly did not belong to me-
horsey coarse and silvery.

It would be like- impolite
to yak in front of guests, alright.
To show that I'm the cultured wife
I just put down my fork and knife.

Decisions, Decisions

I see a rip
below the zip
and I'm wondering what it means.

Am I gaining weight
at a steady rate
or do I need a new pair of jeans?

I heard somewhere
that a denim tear
is quite fashionable these days.

So shall I starve
for my trip to Algarve
or set those devil jeans ablaze?