I Love Me Some Expensive Jams

I crouch way down onto the balls of my feet
Looking for something good to eat
in the dodgy healthy boxed milk aisle
and privately eyeball this gluten-free style
of corn flakes that's on sale today
Aren't the normal ones made from corn anyway?
And how about this jam, what is the deal?
The price is tempting me to steal
a luxurious treasure for me to spread
at home, on hot, toasty buttered bread.
A knock at the door gave me heart palpitations
knowing I'd let down these two great nations
who both have my fingerprints on file
and have seen the cctv of me in the aisle
investigating my theory at great expense
how a jam could cost six pound ninety pence.